Garth Brooks

I was in WalMart late a couple of Thursday night's ago. Actually, it was early Friday morning around 1:30 a.m. It had been a long day with a little surprise that I didn't see coming and that had turned it upside down - not in a good way (or so I thought at the time). So, desperately needing to be a sleep because I had a 9:00 a.m. meeting, I found myself at WalMart in the middle of the night. I go to the music department with the intention of picking up the new Eagles CD and end up with the Garth Brooks CD, The Ultimate Hits, instead. What a bargin two CDs and a DVD for the everyday low price of $11.88. I was listening to it the next day, singing along in my car - funny how my brain remembers the words to songs I haven't heard in forever, yet I have to stop and think about my cell #. Anyhow, they were familiar songs like Friends in Low Places, Learning to Live Again, That Summer and The Dance. The lyrics from that last song, in particular the phrase that goes "...our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain, but I'd of had to miss the dance", made me think about the whole concept of pain and suffering. In the midst of some emotional turmoil, I was struggling with the idea that you could be in pain and not suffer. I just wasn't getting that while within the internal chaos that comes with emotional turmoil you could be in pain and not suffer - that suffering was a choice. And, that I chose or was choosing to suffer. I denied it, I didn't believe it, I coudn't admit it - wouldn't look at it from another perspective. That I chose to suffer didn't make sense to me. That I had a choice not to, to be with or even befriend the pain was a concept I just wasn't grasping. Around then I thought to myself I can wallow in this current little bit of angst (which didn't feel so little) or I could do something else. I chose something else and made plans for my weekend. At breakfast on Saturday with a friend, we got to talking as well as laughing. And, then brainstorming about starting a little project together. Late in the day, I'm listening to that new CD again. When I hear those words and it begins to dawn on me in the midst of my turmoil, I laughed and planned and made a choice not to suffer. I realized then, it's about choice and that I very much have the capacity to choose. Whether or not I do so, is my responsibility and my choice to be aware of. I realized too, that I didn't want to miss the "dance".